Allegiances

Do you ever feel an allegiance to a certain brand for no apparent reason? Or conversely a deep seated dislike? For whatever reason, for a very long time I have been in love with UPS and hated FedEx. It's almost like I was brainwashed as a child. I'm sure there are other brand's out there that I feel like this towards as well, but I've always been acutely aware of this particular love/hate duo. Lately I feel like I've finally grown out of it. I love you FedEx...die UPS.

So there's this cat...

and it belongs to someone else in my neighborhood, but it travels all over my block. I see it pretty much every day, and it had been very nice. Every day this week though, I've caught it crapping by my front door. What's the deal cat!? What'd I ever do to you?

every quarter I must write a paragraph on each student

With quick discussions on the summer reading, we hit the ground running in English 1. We have covered the basics of the parts of speech and paragraph structure. Simon usually participates in the discussions on The Catcher in the Rye and earns sixties on his tests. His essays, however, leave something to be desired. They look like something a blind three year old would create by hitting the key board with its head. Without the ability to form a sentence, your son shall be doomed to work as a speed bump.

Maybe it's just me

Sometimes when I'm walking through the hallways at work and everything is real quiet like, I like to make faint helicopter noises:

Ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka...

As if I'm a helicopter flying through the halls instead of a consultant. You know, like Airwolf.

Apples and Oranges

Get out your reading glasses, pour yourself some Jack, and make yourself comfortable

http://www6.lexisnexis.com/publisher/EndUser?Action=UserDisplayFullDocument&orgId=1550&topicId=20164&docId=l:316189075

Word Verification

Is someone intentionally turning off the word verification for comments? Every few days it gets turned off, and we get spam, and then I go and turn it back on again.

... and then Julia Stiles walked in.

So, I was at a party last night with my friend Jon from HEV. I had previously told him about Chris's method of getting out of a bad story by saying "...and then I found five dollars." Jon thinks this is hilarious, and at one point said it to me, which of course resulted in me having to explain the joke to the others around. While explaining this quirky fix, I had an epiphany and decided instead of saying "...and then I found five dollars," I'm going to start name dropping celebraties. Possible combinations include:
- and then Jude Law walked by...
- and then Oprah came in the room and told me I should read "the Red Tent"
- and then my cell phone rang and it was Tom Cruise telling me I was late for the Scientology meeting
- and then I had to leave, because I was late for my lunch date with Jenna Bush

As you can see, the combinations are endless and also potentially hilarious.

Anyway, I quickly became the life of the party, because I made a couple references to Julia Stiles (probably because Matt and I saw her on Saturday) following bad stories and it was awesome. From then on all I had to do was say something about Julia Stiles and everyone would laugh. Then Will Ferrell came running in and was like, "who wants to go streaking in the quad!" And we did.

Those Crazy Eskimos

The expression "three dog night" is an eskimo expression meaning that it's so cold out that you have to huddle with three dogs to stay warm. According to Darby Conley at least. I just thought it was a band.

Happy Hour

Sometimes I try and continue the tradition and write happy hour emails for work. I thought you fellows might enjoy this one:

Subject: It's a date!

...so then I was like, “show me a crocodile that knows anything about accounting, and I’ll show you a giraffe that’s an expert on climate change!”

Yeah, that’s what I said. OK, catch you later.

Oh hi, didn’t see you there. How’s it going?

Coffee huh? I, uh, drink coffee too…

You can say that again!

Hey uh, I was wondering… I mean I don’t know… are you, uh… do you, um… you see me and the boys are…

Let me start over. I was thinking if you don’t have anything better to do, I mean don’t already have plans… well here’s the deal. I’m heading out with some other coworkers to hit up The Exchange tomorrow night on G street between 17^th and 18^th.

Yeah… pretty sweet. I figure we’ll drink some pints eat some burgers, maybe sit outside and heckle some lobbyists or watch some baseball… you know, whatever.

So, if you’re not doing anything you should come on by.

Oh, I see, well that could wait another day couldn’t it…

Yeah, I guess that’s pretty serious… did I mention Zeph is going to be there?

Oh, you can come. Great.

Well how about I pick you up… uhhhhh… at the elevators at 5:45 pm.

See you then! I gotta get back to work.

AJ

130 Fraority

When I was initially setting up this blog I tried to get the address of 130linden.blogspot.com, but as at least matt has discovered, it was already taken by some greek folks that moved into our house after us. I just rechecked their blog and it hasn't been updated in over a year. I think that eminent domain should apply here and we, being able to make much better use of the name, should be able to claim the address. Lawyers, do I have a case?

Jimmy's Old

Sorry i forgot Jimmy.

you're old now. Isn't Timmy old sometime around now too?

Re: He drink the cacophony substance

i am dying to know what the algorithm that generates spam subject lines looks like.

1. Does this make me a nerd?
2. Is question number 1 rhetorical?

i=3;
Lbl A
i. Is question number i-1 rhetorical?
i=i+1;
Goto A

Milk and Cookies

So you all may already be aware that his place exists, but I never seem to be up on all of the cool things on the internet. Milkandcookies.com has some hilarious videos. Best Ping Pong match ever, although it doesn't look like they were really trying to beat each other after a while. I promise this is the last one I'll link to, unless there's something totally awesome.

Classic Muppet Show

I just bought the first season of the muppet show the other day, and the very first episode contains the classic mahna-mahna, which is awesome. Go watch it!

Through a Mongolian Yurt Door

You'd think he'd have more sense by now.
Be less immature.

Kristin shuffling

I think the Kristin from Laguna Beach needs to be a "Kristin".

those of you who don't know who she is type "Kristin Laguna Beach" in google. what is it with me and Kristins.

suggestions? fantasy kristin? tv kristin?

The Public Cries for Desecration

I hate to be redundant, but I do not think we have given this giant fuzzy soft rabbit on a mountain enough attention. It looks like a giant baby dropped it in the middle of no where and crawled away.
They say it shall be there for twenty years so how long until someone like me cuts its head off and shoves a powerful pumping machine into its neck that spews forth a geyser of thick blood like red fluid for five minutes on the hour between the hours of 8am and 5pm?
How long before someone steals a paw for luck?
How long before someone stitches a paw on the open neck to stop the powerful pumping machine?
How long before someone stitches horns, a third eye, a penis, a human head, Christ’s head onto the giant pink fuzzy bunny?
How long before someone uses a helicopter to launch the giant doll at the Pope mobile?
How long before someone rearranges the figure into a mocker of Christ’s cross?
How long did it take for someone to have sex on the bunny? Knowing artists, I presume one of them climbed the 20 foot sides and did the deed, but how long was the bunny within public reach before two strangers humped on the fucking huge cushy stuffed animal on the side of a mountain. If it is really there for twenty years I hope that I can take a girl there and do it.

Blessed are we

Maybe it's the liquor talking, but there's nothing quite as great as Black Pepper Jack Doritos. Oh, whole corn how I love thee. Oh one or more of the following corn, soybean and/or sunflower oil how I love thee. And to all other 37 ingrediants, you are also deserving of my love, every one of you - even you sodium diacetate, whatever you are.

God bless you Mr. Frito and Mr. Lay. I salute you. There's nothing like the taste of Freedom washed down with a nice cool tug of Oringina. Did I say Freedom? Sorry, I meant capatilism.

99 cents** can buy so much happiness.



** $1.07 including all applicable federal, state and local taxes

Hi Jim

Hey Jimmy.

what classes are you taking this semester? How are interviews going for next summer? Looking mostly in Ohio? You should come work at Simpson Thacher in NY. good times man, good times.

also, how's your girlfriend. that's really lame that you're not sleeping with undergraduates.

well, that's all. just thought i'd write you here instead of email.