Matthew King

Always the role model: from November 1988.

Monkey in Vermont.

So I'm officially a grad student. I'm not the teacher in the classroom anymore and I find myself misunderstanding the assignment two days running. I remember jumping on my own students for being so stupid as to misunderstand an assignment, and I can't wait to jump on them with renewed vigor in the fall.

I go to a party and find a seat next to a keg so I can fill my glass without standing (starting to enjoy my new taste for beer). There are no other seats on the porch and most people are by the fire until it starts to rain. They all crowd onto the porch; because they are standing and I'm in a very low chair, I can't really have a conversation. I continue to drink and enjoy watching this old scene of boys trying to get laid. "I'm happy happy happy happy by myself." Monkey continues to drink silently for a few hours, every once in a while soliciting aid because of his excellent location to thirsty grad students. Later a girl sits on a stump next to him and they exchange a few words for a minute. He focusses on standing without wavering and walking straight as he goes across the lawn to his own room.
I don't get cell service here, but I'll check my messages once a week if I remember. I plan to plan to try to spear head a gathering sometime between Aug 11th and 17th. Location suggestions? Date preferences?

Fort Collins Beer Festival

Sunday I went up to hang out with Tyrona for a bit and we made our way over to the beer festival. Awesome. Colorado has so many microbrews. There were probably at least 2 dozen breweries serving beer. Then there was the live music and plenty of sunshine. Tons of people ranging from the attractive CSU girls to the 50 year old hippies. Towards the end the beer servers were obviously tasting there wares because I walked up on a three way beer fight between some very cute ladies. Good times.

Finito!

Just finished the quarter from hell, and am now on a one month vacation. Plan on playing golf, video games, and hanging out with my new neighbor Tyrona. Hope you're all having enjoyable summers.

Monkey Chow Diet

This is HORRIBLE, but fascinating. I can't believe he's stuck with it.

Cornell Gallery of the Fantastic

Something positive finally about Cornell in the news. They collected images of the fantastic (angels, demons, etc.) from old texts and created a gallery. Some very interesting pieces. This one appears to be the biblical flood. You can see the arc in the background. Link.

Rock, Paper, Scissors on Crack

Awesome!

Jackson Pollock

Somebody made this site where you just randomly paint in a pollocky sor of style. Kind of fun.
http://jacksonpollock.org/

Blues

Everyone take a moment this day to listen to Muddy Waters. If not this day, this weekend with some whiskey.

Still Alive

Hey all. Guess what? I'm still alive! Well don't all cheer at once it would be deafening. This picture is a testiment to me being alive: It was taken last Sunday morning (bout 3am) in Brooklyn. Although I was still alive when the picture was taken, I was nearly killed a couple minutes later by a gang of Punks that didn't think my Sweater Vest was particularly funny. Kids these days!

I'm down for meeting East coast style in August. LEt me know what's going to work for everyone and I'm game, cause I'm not planning anything.

Cheers.

Update: My Life

I've decided to postpone going back to the real world a little longer. Instead of graduating and getting a real job in December, I'm probably going to take the minimum number of classes for a bit and graduate at the end of March.

2 reasons why you care: First, if you guys all decide to get together out east in August, I should be able to fly out given enough notice. I promise I won't throw up on anyone's stuff. Second, one of the main reasons I'm doing this is so I have more time to work on my graduate project, and I'd like some ideas from you guys.

I started my project 8 weeks ago doing research and have narrowed it down to an area. It is a game for 1 - 4 players, age 6 - 12. The game will be designed to develop children in the areas of reflex, coordination, balance, and spatial relations. This summer I'll be spending a lot of time coming up with different concepts for the tasks involving the above abilities. If you think of any ideas crazy or plain, even impossible, I'd like to hear them. Good innovation often starts with ridiculous ideas.

Infinite Pictures

This is pretty cool. It's a picture photomosaic that zooms in infinitely. It doesn't really, but they give the effect that it does pretty well. I wonder how many different pictures they used.

via BoingBoing

Get your bacon

Friend of a friend of a friends blog about bacon. Here's an excerpt.

The Waffle House is a legendary American breakfast institution. Since 1955, they have served 786,449,152 slices of bacon. Also, if you lay all of the bacon end-to-end that Waffle House serves in a year, it will stretch from Atlanta to Los Angeles seven times.

http://www.baconunwrapped.com/

June, Part Deux

I'm not going to let this get together idea die, dammit! Ryan has confirmed that he is indeed intending to drive out east at the end of June, and i'm seriously considering joining him. So would you fellas be up for trying to arrange a weekend get together somewhere? Jimmy, could we pick you up on the way? I think this has some potential.

CU Pot Smokers

I thought this was a minor thing, until I saw it on the national news today. Ridiculous. CU is offering $50 if you can identify any of the pictures of people smoking on 4/20. Where's Waldo?

Slope Day

I just happened to discover it's slope day. Raise one high to the memories of Tequila sunrises and our painted monkey!

This reminds me of Ryan, or maybe Dad.

June Vacation!

I'd like to make the official proposal of a late June get together out here. I know it's hard to plan, but Ty will be here by then, I'll be on break, and Ryan will be free for the week of June 18th I think. Jim should be on break, and Matt will be done. AJ, Dan, and Chris just need to suck it up and take some time off work. We could go up to Steamboat, or here, or whatever. Matt, don't give me any crap about studying for the bar.

Gawker Article

Here's the article in gawker. I love the last line, "No wonder there are so many suicides."

More Like Lost Weekend

sooo, i got pretty drunk in ithaca this past weekend. both friday and saturday nights. On Friday night I passed out around 1am. i completely missed the gay a capella singing in the parking garage that always happens after the Spring Fever show. Saturday night, i missed sake bombs and hanging out on a rooftop spying on a kid getting a blowjob from a fat chick through an open window.

what the hell happened to me. now before you say "girlfriend, matt, girlfriend is what happened to you." you should know that both nights (!) Liz was trying to get me to stay awake and hang out.

I am only 25 years old. Jesus. What the hell is happening to me.

Last Weekend

Which of the following did I not do this weekend?
A. Ordered two pitchers of Old Milwaukee at 12:50 at Dunbar's
B. Finish a growler of red ale on the shore of Cayuga with Dad
C. Drink wine for about 3 hours with Gwen's family on Sunday afternoon
D. Saki bombs
E. Eat 4 servings of vegetables

Curl Up and Dye

The name of a hair salon I drove by yesterday. First I did a double take, and then I chuckled for several minutes.

Heading to New Zealand
with kids to watch tomorrow.
Talk to ya'll in a month.

Bought a rug. One leg.
Center. Raised arms. Drink.
Numinous. Savant.

Beer

I was in this sports bar on Thursday watching basketball and drinking some beer when the waitress came up and asked me if I wanted another. I looked at my glass which had only a mouthful of beer left and thought about it and said, "Not yet, I'll order one in a few minutes." She looked at me a little confused and said, "If you want another one why don't you just order it now?" I proceeded to explain to her that I love beer. If she were to set another beer down in front of me at that moment I would immediately finish this one and start on that one. My self control only extends far enough to holding off on ordering another one. She just looked at me weird and walked away. Five minutes later I touched her arm as she walked by and said, "I'll have that beer now." Score one for self control.

Hubble

A slideshow of cool images from Hubble, put to cheesy music about angels. The pictures are cool at least. And it features the Eye of God! Hubble Slideshow

Not that anyone cares about Vermont...

but I had to post this article, because it contains this quote from the Governor:
"I respect the laws of the United States, of course," Mr. Douglas said. "But the cows have to be milked."

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/04/national/04vermont.html?th&emc=th

Well boys I have some good news to share.

I'm going to graduate school. I got into CU-Boulder with funding, and evidently I just got another grant, a chancellor's fellowship, for another chunk of money. They are even offering to fly me out there for a visit. I just want you all to acknowledge the Matthew P. King level of deception it requires for some school to give me money to go there. Needless to say the western chapter of 130 Linden is going to be a bit larger come June.

Hawai'i is fantastic, and I apologize for being so out of touch, but I stay pretty busy out here. I wish I could describe what is going on but I think that would probably take me all night. So I'll try to post some pictures to give you an idea of what's happening. Here's one from my second week here.

gross

why are there always pubes on the keyboard of my laptop.

at least they are mine.

gross

coolest job ever

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,1895,1853580,00.asp#

Check out the Video!

The ultimate compliment to my PDA

http://www.wired.com/news/columns/0,70231-0.html?tw=wn_story_page_prev2

Uh....

I find this picture terribly disturbing.

Warm fuzzies

http://mondo.happytreefriends.com/watch_episodes/index.html#

go and watch a cute short to brighten your day.
I cried laughing as I watched through my fingers.

Ty = Trouble, more on this later

The great Satan Hall

Oh no, that does it...

On another note: did anyone else see Cornell Score with :39 left to beat Colgate and take the lead in the ECAC from them on Saturday night? It was pretty sweet, and made sweeter by $2 Yeunglings and a room full of Cornell fans.

It's all your fault, it's all your fault...

Oh yeah, and don't forget the superbowl! Oh wait, you can forget it - BOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNGGGGG

I gotta go with Chuck on this one.

He just seems more reliable.

Internships

I was just sitting at my table browsing the internet when my cat decided to jump up to have her chin scratched. I obliged, and then suddenly she decided to flop over and roll around on my keyboard. Windows started going berserk popping up and closing down. Not cool.

Otherwise, life is kind of mediocre right now. I had to go back to my old job to make some cash to live off of, and buy a new computer. Only 10 more months of school though. If I ever talk about going back again, stop me. I'm thinking about trying to get an internship for a few weeks out east over the summer. Do you New Yorkers know of a place online to find like a 3 week sublet? I doubt I'll find an internship in NY, but I may try, and I kind of want to see what it would cost. Jimmy, I may look in Columbus too. Do you like it there?

"When I first saw the skull, I thought this can't be related to crocs," said Dr. Christopher Brochu, an expert on crocodilian evolution at the University of Iowa. "But then I saw the ankle and said, 'Yep, it's a croc.'

Red Pointing

I actually learned something today. Red Pointing. I like that when you don't quite red point you pink point. And there's a head point in there too.

God damn right

Red rocks Nevada. Spacemonkey redpointing his second attempt on Yak Crak.

Eye of God

Apparently that's what this is being called. I always pictured God with Green eyes personally. Taken by the Hubble. This is the first interesting thing I can recall ever finding by hitting that next blog button.

Broncos vs Steelers

As most of you are probably aware today is the AFC Championship game. I'm feeling quite torn though as I've been a Steelers fan since I lived in Pittsburgh back in the 90's, but now living in Denver I've gotten quite attached to the Broncos. Whoever wins though I've got a team in the Super Bowl, so that's pretty sweet. I'm hoping for a Broncos vs Panthers Super Bowl though so Ty and I can do some trash talking. Go Broncos!

Friday off

There’s something great about not going to work. This may sound like a silly thing to say but it’s true. The best thing about taking the day off in a city is you don’t get lonely. You put aside the packed coffee shops of the weekend, the endless traffic of rush hour and the hustle and bustle of downtown, and replace it with a scattering of folks, doing their own thing, enjoying the 60 degree day and those genuinely happy they’re not at work. The wait staff are friendlier, you get to see more smiles and it’s a lot easier to cross the street. It also helps that it’s a Friday, I’m sure.

I slept until 11:15 this morning, a rarity as you all know, when I was awoken by a phone call from my mother. We had a nice relaxed chat, which I can’t honestly say has happened in a while. No time to talk after work, can’t call home after 9:00 pm and it’s hard to catch the ‘rents on the weekends, so it doesn’t leave much time to chat. She asked about my social life (another rare occurrence) and I assured her that I’ve been meeting some very nice girls in the city. She asked what it is like to start dating after being in such a long relationship. I told her I think it’s fun. I can only say I’ve been on a handful of dates in my life, so I’ve got to make up for lost time.

My roommate rolled out of bed about 12:00, being the type of weekday lingerer that’s currently seeking employment, and we eventually made it to the diner by about 1:30 for breakfast. I got the Croque and Dagger, a fine compilation of French bread, eggs, ham béchamel sauce and gruyere, which most definitely has induced a number of heart attacks in its day.

Oh yeah, and we shared a bowl of fruit. It was cute.

Made it through a couple cups of coffee, talking of sustainable entrepreneurship, backgammon, cars and the remarkable number of cute girls walking by the window in the middle of the afternoon. What was that? That’s funny, I could have sworn you said something.

Moved on to the new coffee shop/bar with wifi, and a bloody Mary and a Stone Smoked Porter (comes highly recommended) later I sit here typing to ya’ll.

Well, off to drink champagne with some coworkers and eventually make our 8:45 reservation for restaurant week.

Life is good.

Hope you’re all well.

What about my trip to Vegas?

I had a great time. Saw a lot of cool gadgets, Almost picked up my first girl off the street, saw some porn stars (they have big boobs), got drunk with my boss and clients and hung with Ryan. Not bad for a business trip.

my new home

Hey boys, thought you'd like to know where I'm resting my head these days. If you turned 180 degrees from the place where that picture was taken you could see three volcanoes, Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, and Haulalai. I still have a week before all the students get here which is nice, but I actually have to work a lot most of the time. Of course, that's not to say that I can't take a mid-afternoon break by going to the ocean and boogie boarding.

Anyway, Matt I hope you're trip to the Galapagos went well, and Jim thanks for the CD. Dan, I dig all your posts. Ryan, how did the Vegas vacation end up for you? Chris, are you alive? Tim "Saturday Night Fever" Roth, as they say in my homeland "We don't take kindly to your kind around here." I'm mean seriously, Dance Revolution.

Dance Baby!

My girlfriend gave me Dance Dance Revolution for Christmas. Once upon a time I thought this was a stupid game, and then I tried it, and it rocks. It's a blast. If she finds out I posted this picture she may very well kill me. Merry Christmas!!!

in other news...

my sister's got this boyfrind named Jim.

Ain't karma a bitch.

This just in...

I just heard the following on the news: "observers of the plane said they didn't see anything unusual until the wing fell off." They then were kind enough to point out that the plane crash was actually a result of the wing falling off.

Fucking brilliant. Gotta love the evening news.

What's up with ya'll?

Christmas Time

I'm finally done with this quarter from hell, and christmas is rolling up right around the corner. There's one thing that I keep thinking about today though. Tyrona is probably on his was to spend five months in Hawaii as we speak. With a bunch of undergrad coeds. I hate him so much.

BOO yah bitches

you are all pussies. remember that time I cut open my leg on a cinder block, and when i cut off the tip of my finger chopping parsely... and how i was always touching fire, when i had no business or reason to...

well turns out

"...redheads can withstand up to 25 percent more pain than their blond and brunet peers..."

Pizza Aroma

Today Liz and I have been studying since noon or so at the Tompkins County Public Library down on Green Street. I suggested Olin or Uris, but she said that I wouldn't be getting anything done because I'd be too distracted by undergraduate boobs. I said that I wouldn't be distracted if she just showed me hers occasionally while we were studying.

I think you know who won that little clash of logic and differing world-views. Alas, I am here at the TCPL, not a nubile nipple in sight. And the few illicit note passings over to the lovely Liz sitting across from me at this faux pine and formica table have gone over, shall we say, poorly. "Let's go do it in the reference section" just didn't get her as hot as it apparently did me. Neither did "Let's go do it by the Hardy Boys collection," although, I suppose that could be for a different reason. Come on, who doesn't like old world almanacs and exciting adventures to be had by teenage boys solving benign mysteries. More to the point, who doesn't like sex.

Anyway, after several failed attempts at the "Geez, babe, I'm just kidding...why, do you want to?...oh come on, don't get mad at me, i was really just kidding... I mean, making out wouldn't really be that weir--. come on, wait come back here, seriously, i'm just messing around" talk, I decided we should just go get some pizza at Pizza Aroma across the street.

Two things, well three really: One. Pizza Aroma now delivers. I'm pretty sure they used to not deliver, which was bull shit, but now they do, which is also bull shit because I don't live here. Two. Pizza Aroma continues to be, despite its recent promotion on my list of things that are bullshit (a competitive list mind you), god damn delicious. Three. There was a sign saying "Driver's wanted" in the window. I have come to the brilliant conclusion that this job is Mr. Atkins's calling.


well. i am done.

adieu. Dad.

Friendster Love

So I just used up my creative energy for the year updating my friendster profile. Part of the motivation was this gorgeous girl I'm trying to Friendster flirt with:
This is my first time Friendster flirting. She likes Classic rock and learning. I'm in love. Too bad she lives in Massachusetts. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Here's the new profile. Let me know what you think.

About Me:How am I not myself?

Being a consultant, I will use a bulleted list for this task due to the efficiency and raw effectiveness:
- I once killed a man with my bare hands…well, honestly, I just punched him, and rather than die he just got a small bruise, but I don’t think that diminishes the accomplishment one bit.
- I think "Live Free or Die" is an awesome thing to have written on a license plate; coming in a close second is "Taxation Without Representation." Both of these kick “Famous Potatoes” ass. Come on Idaho! That’s seriously all you’ve got?
- I’m a big fan of dogs. I think they’re pretty cool. I’d like to get one sometime soon. Maybe a mid-sized terrier or one of those scraggely mutts that looks as if it lives in an alley somewhere like the dog in Annie. I have a love-hate relationship with cats.
- Speaking of pets, all I have now is a 6’4” cactus named George. George started his life in a truck stop near Montreal, and has since had five owners and lived in three states and the District of Columbia. When I last moved George a bunch of his limbs fell off and I replanted them and named them: George Junior, George Junior, George Junior, George Junior and the twins. Once they rooted, I gave them away to friends and family. I’d be happy to cut a chunk off for you if you want.
- Growing up I really enjoyed sugaring (making maple syrup) with my father in New Hampshire. We had a small sugarhouse my father built when he was 18 for my grandfather. Besides collecting the sap, which is legitimately hard work, this mostly consists of watching sap boil and occasionally stoking the fire. I came to realize this, as well as many other manly pursuits, are just excuses to get out of the house and drink beer (a good example of this is ice fishing. Come on guys! Like you really just can’t wait until the spring!). Fortunately the payoff of this hard labor is oh so sweet.
- I could go on, but I only have 61 characters left. Crap! now it's down to just 1

THE WONDERS OF PHOTOSHOP

This is a rocking chair I built a 1/4 scale model of and placed in some random persons living room. Got to love modern technology!

the Job Offer

So I just got a new job offer and I'm not really sure what to do. It would basically involve me taking care of logistics for a geology class and driving a van around and keeping a bunch of college kids safe from themselves. Oh yeah, and part of the time I'd be taking care of a couple of little girls ages 6 and 3. I mean it sounds like it would be a lot of bull shit activities and grunt work and stuff but you know it would be something new. So what do you think should I take the job.


Oh yeah, one last thing......the job is in Hawaii.

A Less than Modest Proposal

I propose a reunion in Columbus.

Winnebago style, from the east coast anyway.

i don't know when or how. but this seems like a fantastic idea to me.

Allegiances

Do you ever feel an allegiance to a certain brand for no apparent reason? Or conversely a deep seated dislike? For whatever reason, for a very long time I have been in love with UPS and hated FedEx. It's almost like I was brainwashed as a child. I'm sure there are other brand's out there that I feel like this towards as well, but I've always been acutely aware of this particular love/hate duo. Lately I feel like I've finally grown out of it. I love you FedEx...die UPS.

So there's this cat...

and it belongs to someone else in my neighborhood, but it travels all over my block. I see it pretty much every day, and it had been very nice. Every day this week though, I've caught it crapping by my front door. What's the deal cat!? What'd I ever do to you?

every quarter I must write a paragraph on each student

With quick discussions on the summer reading, we hit the ground running in English 1. We have covered the basics of the parts of speech and paragraph structure. Simon usually participates in the discussions on The Catcher in the Rye and earns sixties on his tests. His essays, however, leave something to be desired. They look like something a blind three year old would create by hitting the key board with its head. Without the ability to form a sentence, your son shall be doomed to work as a speed bump.

Maybe it's just me

Sometimes when I'm walking through the hallways at work and everything is real quiet like, I like to make faint helicopter noises:

Ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka ticka...

As if I'm a helicopter flying through the halls instead of a consultant. You know, like Airwolf.

Apples and Oranges

Get out your reading glasses, pour yourself some Jack, and make yourself comfortable

http://www6.lexisnexis.com/publisher/EndUser?Action=UserDisplayFullDocument&orgId=1550&topicId=20164&docId=l:316189075

Word Verification

Is someone intentionally turning off the word verification for comments? Every few days it gets turned off, and we get spam, and then I go and turn it back on again.

... and then Julia Stiles walked in.

So, I was at a party last night with my friend Jon from HEV. I had previously told him about Chris's method of getting out of a bad story by saying "...and then I found five dollars." Jon thinks this is hilarious, and at one point said it to me, which of course resulted in me having to explain the joke to the others around. While explaining this quirky fix, I had an epiphany and decided instead of saying "...and then I found five dollars," I'm going to start name dropping celebraties. Possible combinations include:
- and then Jude Law walked by...
- and then Oprah came in the room and told me I should read "the Red Tent"
- and then my cell phone rang and it was Tom Cruise telling me I was late for the Scientology meeting
- and then I had to leave, because I was late for my lunch date with Jenna Bush

As you can see, the combinations are endless and also potentially hilarious.

Anyway, I quickly became the life of the party, because I made a couple references to Julia Stiles (probably because Matt and I saw her on Saturday) following bad stories and it was awesome. From then on all I had to do was say something about Julia Stiles and everyone would laugh. Then Will Ferrell came running in and was like, "who wants to go streaking in the quad!" And we did.

Those Crazy Eskimos

The expression "three dog night" is an eskimo expression meaning that it's so cold out that you have to huddle with three dogs to stay warm. According to Darby Conley at least. I just thought it was a band.

Happy Hour

Sometimes I try and continue the tradition and write happy hour emails for work. I thought you fellows might enjoy this one:

Subject: It's a date!

...so then I was like, “show me a crocodile that knows anything about accounting, and I’ll show you a giraffe that’s an expert on climate change!”

Yeah, that’s what I said. OK, catch you later.

Oh hi, didn’t see you there. How’s it going?

Coffee huh? I, uh, drink coffee too…

You can say that again!

Hey uh, I was wondering… I mean I don’t know… are you, uh… do you, um… you see me and the boys are…

Let me start over. I was thinking if you don’t have anything better to do, I mean don’t already have plans… well here’s the deal. I’m heading out with some other coworkers to hit up The Exchange tomorrow night on G street between 17^th and 18^th.

Yeah… pretty sweet. I figure we’ll drink some pints eat some burgers, maybe sit outside and heckle some lobbyists or watch some baseball… you know, whatever.

So, if you’re not doing anything you should come on by.

Oh, I see, well that could wait another day couldn’t it…

Yeah, I guess that’s pretty serious… did I mention Zeph is going to be there?

Oh, you can come. Great.

Well how about I pick you up… uhhhhh… at the elevators at 5:45 pm.

See you then! I gotta get back to work.

AJ

130 Fraority

When I was initially setting up this blog I tried to get the address of 130linden.blogspot.com, but as at least matt has discovered, it was already taken by some greek folks that moved into our house after us. I just rechecked their blog and it hasn't been updated in over a year. I think that eminent domain should apply here and we, being able to make much better use of the name, should be able to claim the address. Lawyers, do I have a case?

Jimmy's Old

Sorry i forgot Jimmy.

you're old now. Isn't Timmy old sometime around now too?

Re: He drink the cacophony substance

i am dying to know what the algorithm that generates spam subject lines looks like.

1. Does this make me a nerd?
2. Is question number 1 rhetorical?

i=3;
Lbl A
i. Is question number i-1 rhetorical?
i=i+1;
Goto A

Milk and Cookies

So you all may already be aware that his place exists, but I never seem to be up on all of the cool things on the internet. Milkandcookies.com has some hilarious videos. Best Ping Pong match ever, although it doesn't look like they were really trying to beat each other after a while. I promise this is the last one I'll link to, unless there's something totally awesome.

Classic Muppet Show

I just bought the first season of the muppet show the other day, and the very first episode contains the classic mahna-mahna, which is awesome. Go watch it!

Through a Mongolian Yurt Door

You'd think he'd have more sense by now.
Be less immature.

Kristin shuffling

I think the Kristin from Laguna Beach needs to be a "Kristin".

those of you who don't know who she is type "Kristin Laguna Beach" in google. what is it with me and Kristins.

suggestions? fantasy kristin? tv kristin?

The Public Cries for Desecration

I hate to be redundant, but I do not think we have given this giant fuzzy soft rabbit on a mountain enough attention. It looks like a giant baby dropped it in the middle of no where and crawled away.
They say it shall be there for twenty years so how long until someone like me cuts its head off and shoves a powerful pumping machine into its neck that spews forth a geyser of thick blood like red fluid for five minutes on the hour between the hours of 8am and 5pm?
How long before someone steals a paw for luck?
How long before someone stitches a paw on the open neck to stop the powerful pumping machine?
How long before someone stitches horns, a third eye, a penis, a human head, Christ’s head onto the giant pink fuzzy bunny?
How long before someone uses a helicopter to launch the giant doll at the Pope mobile?
How long before someone rearranges the figure into a mocker of Christ’s cross?
How long did it take for someone to have sex on the bunny? Knowing artists, I presume one of them climbed the 20 foot sides and did the deed, but how long was the bunny within public reach before two strangers humped on the fucking huge cushy stuffed animal on the side of a mountain. If it is really there for twenty years I hope that I can take a girl there and do it.

Blessed are we

Maybe it's the liquor talking, but there's nothing quite as great as Black Pepper Jack Doritos. Oh, whole corn how I love thee. Oh one or more of the following corn, soybean and/or sunflower oil how I love thee. And to all other 37 ingrediants, you are also deserving of my love, every one of you - even you sodium diacetate, whatever you are.

God bless you Mr. Frito and Mr. Lay. I salute you. There's nothing like the taste of Freedom washed down with a nice cool tug of Oringina. Did I say Freedom? Sorry, I meant capatilism.

99 cents** can buy so much happiness.



** $1.07 including all applicable federal, state and local taxes

Hi Jim

Hey Jimmy.

what classes are you taking this semester? How are interviews going for next summer? Looking mostly in Ohio? You should come work at Simpson Thacher in NY. good times man, good times.

also, how's your girlfriend. that's really lame that you're not sleeping with undergraduates.

well, that's all. just thought i'd write you here instead of email.

What are we doing tonight?

Do you hangout?

The year of huge stuffed animals

Denver recently built this very large Blue Bear that I think is sweet. This Pink Rabbit on an italian mountain is a little weird though.

M to the izzatt

Hey boys, I thought it might be cool to see what life would have been like on Linden Boulevard instead of the Ave.

Arrr....

Shiver me timbers.

Shhh..... Go to bed

Don't worry about it, it's fine...

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/16/national/16fugitive.html?th&emc=th

Grand Canyon Walkway

How crazy is this. A giant clear walkway overhanging the grand canyon.

Concern

Recently as I enjoy and suffer the train of thoughts in my head I have found myself thinking, “I agree” after I come to some conclusion.

The implication of thinking this repeatedly over the last few months makes me slightly concerned.

Thoughts?

Child's Ride on Toy

Most of my designs this quarter haven't been very exciting since I've been working full time along with school, but I thought this one was fun at least. It's a toy for a 3-4 year old child to ride on. The nose on the front can connect to another toy's ring in back so that kids can form a train.

Here's the full size model I built. 

Ride on Toy Rendering 

She acts all cute, but go and try to pet her stomach and BAM! she'll bite right down on your hand. Devious. 

Steamboat Card

Well, it looks like if anyone wants to do some skiing in Steamboat this year it is not going to be cheap. I just looked into getting a card, and apparently they aren't issuing any new ones. The pricing for people that already have one is less than a $10 discount per day. At least we got one good year out of them.

My cat's breath smells like cat food...

Fun Video

Chemicals Brothers Featuring the Flaming Lips "The Golden Path"

It's video number 7, and had me laughing out loud and feeling happy.

Reversal of Personality Test

So after writing the post below I got to thinking. What if I were to start a blog and write about a bunch of political news, but instead of writing my opinions, I would take the exact opposite stance and write what some neo nazi ultra conservative hate lover (hah! hate lover) would write. First off, would I get ridiculous responses from both right and left wingers?
ex. I think gays should be forced to take therapy to straighten themselves out.
Right response: You're so totally right! Fucking homos. I love your blog.
Left response: What the hell is wrong with you? Die you fucking nazi!
And second, would I start to believe, or at least empathize with those views? It seems like it might be an interesting social experiment. Anybody know if somehting like this has been attempted with a journal, or some other outdated writing medium.
Totally unrelated except for that last bit, I weep thinking about the day when we only have e-books. I love paper books. I love bookshops. I can spend hours looking at nothing in particular.
Also, I have finally regressed into a fantastic procrastinator.

Wikipedia Terrorism

Seeing as the Wikipedia is an extremely popular thing, and is editable by anyone, I think it begs the question, "Are we vulnerable to a terrorist attack via the Wikipedia?" Think about it. Someone begins slowly creating a trail of barely false information that people over time start to take as fact. As the months progress the information gradually gets more radical and pretty soon we're all doing exactly what the terrorists want. Seeing as how we're all mindless drones prone to believing anything and everything it's bound to happen. The government should obviously begin to monitor all posters and begin arresting people who might be 'troublemakers'. Heck, they might as well monitor the entire world population. I won't sleep soundly till I know it's happening.

Ghost of Law Firm Future

So, today i'm sitting at a different desk in my office cause i needed to spread out. When i use the phone at this desk, people who i call don't know its me. Apparently this phone says "FUTURE" on their phones when i call them. This has become endlessly entertaining for me this morning. I've been calling everyone at work and telling them all the bad things that are going to happen to them today in a spooky ghost like voice. Also, I'm not sober yet and its 11:42, i don't know what to do.

booze cruise followed by karoke. i think i smoked some cigarettes.

i sound like a drag queen today.

Holy Shit!

The big one.

They found him!

Apparently it's a slow news week

Walpole

According to Wikipedia, Walpole, NH has a population of 3,594 people spread out over 36.6 square miles (giving a population density of 101 people per square mile, or one person for every 500 ft x 500 ft square). The population's also 98.3% white. I think Walpole needs an affirmative action plan, because that's kind of sad. Probably could use some sky scrapers too, in order to up the population density a bit.

Our Girl Tyrona

Tyson, what gives? You haven't said a peep about how your triathlon went? Did you survive? Also, what's the job hunt/school thing looking like? Shed some light on my dark and boring life.

Sit back and enjoy the ride

I was reading an article recently about China. Apparently they have been slowly but surely scaling up their military recently, although they still lack the ability to project their military much beyond their own borders. No one knows why they're doing this, but some think that one day they will threaten the U.S. as a world super power - others fear for the independence of Taiwan. Of course, no one in China would admit that they're thinking of taking Taiwan back, but recently a Chinese general was quoted as threatening nuclear war if the US attempted to protect Taiwan in such a situation saying, "The Americans will have to be prepared that hundreds of their cities will be destroyed by the Chinese." Think of that next time you shop at Walmart.

Does anyone else feel like we're totally screwed - spiraling uncontrollably toward disaster? It's just a question of from which direction the deadly blow will come. I used to think this was a unique point in history, and then I realized I think it's always like this, it's just that I only recently started paying attention.

The Iceman Cometh

"If? Man when I don't want a drink, you call de morgue"(O'Neill 22)

The Crestone Needle

The Crestone Needle is a 14,197 thousand peek with a technical rout that goes directly up a 2000 foot rock face. It begins with a 5.7 for 200 feet and then a 5.5-5.7 for maybe 100 feet, then there is 1000 feet of 4 class(not much more difficult than a ladder at about 80 degrees), then 4 pitches of 5.5-5.7. So besides the length and the elevation I thought it would not be very difficult.

Hands, legs trembling, breathing quickly and lifting my foot up to my shoulder hight on a fucking 4th class. What the fuck?

With the threat of afternoon thunderstorms that always threaten 14ers in the Colorado summer, we had to begin at day break and simultaneously climb the 4 class 1000 feet. One must do this to make the summit quickly and descend before the afternoon in order to avoid lightening even more than the rain. I have never really done high elevation exposed (that means open air beneath you and if you slip without a rope you could bounce a very very long way) climbing. We had a rope, but we did not have the time to place anchors, so if one of us slipped or if a part of the rock broke the other would have to arrest his fall without any aid. So I'm in the lead and there is this hump of rock. I feel like my chest is up against the front of a school buss, not the flat faced grayhounds but the old yellow ones with hoods. I put my hands on the hood and see no holds betweeen my hands and feet. Alex says "hurry up man, it's only 4th class." So I look down and see a the ground 600 feet bellow. Only small ledges and no anchors between Alex and my harness. I put both hands on the hood and push and hump and slide up on it like a beached whale. I am breathing thin air hard with my feet in mid air and my chest laid out on the hood of a buss and saying "fuck, fuck, fuck this fucking sport."
After that I insisted we drop an anchor at least during difficult pulls; but there weren't many cracks to use with the anchors. Two or three times we simply put a sling around a little rock horn as we simul climbed an exposed wave of rock.
A few times I thought he or I was going to slip and we would drag the other to our demise. needless to say, once we got to the last four pitches (the last 500 feet) where we placed anchors I felt much more at ease. By then we were at about 13600 feet and we could very easily discern rain heading our way. So the last few pitches I pulled through the thin air to the summit. Luckily the rain kept to the East of us and we descended without too much difficulty (the book's description of the descent begins with "The descent is complicated". True enough we began in the wrong rock gully for the the first 500 feet and we had some difficulty finding a way to traverse to the trail). It was wild and thank that fucking old son of a bitch in the clouds that the rain and lightening stayed to the East of us.

One Hundred Years of Solitude

“Jose Arcadio Buendia was not as crazy as the family said, but that he was the only one who had enough lucidity to sense the truth that time also stumbled and had accidents and could therefore splinter and leave an eternalized fragment in a room"(Marquez 375).

Certainly the magical realism of Marquez may be scoffed by the scientific minds of 130 Linden, but on a psychological plain this quote beautifully portrays our nostalgia. In the text the quotation explains how a room does not decay, it remains the same temperature and atmosphere for a hundred years. Matt and AJ would laugh at such fantasy, but when applied to our mind’s tendency to dwell on a certain event, a certain afternoon, or certain game of chess these two logical minds must concede to the axiomatic power of the quotation.

Hey AJ, remember when I beat you in chess three times in a row! You suck. We are always in the dark kitchen of Dan’s old apartment on Buff. ave.

Dan, remember that giant canvass we painted in Jaden; it’s still on my wall. I love booze and paint.

Next line of thought:

So I finished Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude last night. Have any of you read this brilliant dragging epic? I recommend you read it. I know you all would enjoy parts of the novel, if for nothing but an enchanting escape to an old world Columbia. The book beautifully flows through time slightly like Faulkner but in a much less cryptic and cynical fashion. Marquez dashes in small amounts of fantasy (a trail of blood flowing a very specific path through a house to someone’s door) as if he were simply describing the flow of a creek. He handles everything with a very dead pan voice. The characters pass the same name to their kids again and again and the cycles of repetition all mesh together like a slow roasted stew. Is this Buendia the great grandfather or the uncle or the grandson?

With fresh beautiful descriptions of sex, war, and fucking god damn pride the book enchants.

If any of you pick up the book, I warn you that it drags a bit, but is certainly worth the effort. I found it best to just keep reading and try to feel each experience and not worry which character is which.

First line:

“Many years later as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

Colonel Aureliano is the motherfucker with the pride to inspire any space monkey to fucking go into space even if almost all space monkeys die during, if not immediately after the flight. Damn Matt, I went to the “monkeys in space” web site and was physched when I saw how many of my kindred were martyrs.